Homo sapiens chaoticus, n.ssp. Holotype
A new subspecies of Homo sapiens
L.
by Felix Lorenz
Abstract: A new humanoid subspecies apparently related to Homo
sapiens sapiens is described on account of significant morphological
and environmental differences. My attention to the new taxon was
drawn in late 1987 when the herein described Holotype entered
a pub in the downtown of Giessen. During the following twelve
years I was able to carry out studies on his behaviour in captivity
and learn details about feeding and living habits. I am naming
it here giving reference to the peculiarity of the latter:
Mammalia: Homo sapiens chaoticus
n. ssp.
Description: The holotype is a fully mature, apparently
male specimen of approximately 28 years of age. The head is rather
narrow, slightly oval upwards, tapering basally. The nose is produced
an moderately narrow, distinctly curved to the left. The ears
are normal sized but have a distinct knob-like prolongation anteriorly.
This feature seems specific. The body is slightly stunted, without
conspicuous outline while the arms seem longer than in typical
H. sapiens sapiens, almost reaching the knees in upright
stand. Latter is less straight than in the type species, due to
a slight dorsal hump. The skin is pale and absolutely smooth,
without traces of hair except on the head where there is a thick
hair growth which seasonally changes into a spiny coat. Like ordinary
humans, the new subspecies sits and talks. The urge to communicate
seems slightly more developed than in typical H. sapiens sapiens.
Locus typicus and distribution: The origin of the unique Holotype is Bombay, India, the natural habitat remains undisclosed but likely to be dense jungle, judging from the artificial habitat the specimen creates wherever it stays. It feeds mainly on meatballs and chocolate-cookies, whilst drinking enormous amounts of Coke. Its preferential occupations are sleeping during daytime and watching all available TV-programs at a time. The maximum of digestible programs at once is estimated to range from 45 to 76.
Measurements: Holotype: (estimated) 1,76 m x 0,50 m, nose length
approx 63 mm. The specimen is presently kept alive for further
observation but will be deposited in the Museum of Berlin in a
conserved state after the studies are finished.